About David



David is the famous and beloved historical figure best known for painting Whistler’s Mother and discovering the source of the Nile.

Before going down on the Titanic in 1883, he was, unfortunately, devoured by a bear on the Oregon Trail.

One quarter Octoroon by birth, people are generally surprised upon meeting him that they can’t really tell. They assume he’s like Dutch, or maybe English or German or something.

Twice runner-up in the Mr. Universe pageant, David spends his leisure hours thinking up new colors and shapes.

*Editors note: D’d is now banned from writing biographies. We apologize for any inaccuracy in the text above. Rest assured, changes are being made.

*Meanwhile, here are his verifiable (and more recent, obviously) qualifications:

  • 5-Star  Author
  • Keynote Speaker
  • Employee Skills HR Counselor
  • Expert Witness (Construction Defect)


Quotable Quotes:

“Anyone who says he was eaten by bears is lying.” -David Sneed

“Hmm.” -David’s unamused elderly mother

“Try not to have a good time…this is supposed to be educational.” -Charles M. Schultz